Tuesday, March 31, 2009

COLD Cold Heart

There is many a-times, I wondered why the heart turns cold
Is it cos of the hardship, the pain, and the fear, that has in store?
Is it just a feeling, an emotion that once again is asking for an association?
Has it got to do with lacking of passion, passing of affection?

Many have been said:-
"Lost of faith, for this world is fake"
"Been hurt so many times, I am paying for my crimes"
"I am giving up, don't want to fight no more"
"It is a crying shame, life is such a cruel game"
Many more excuses, many more reasonings
Why does the heart turn cold, it can be amazing.....

It is just a numb feeling
Acceptance to all the giving,
Acknowledging to all that is happening
Understanding, without needs of explaining,
It is nothing cruel
It is not about living in denial,
It is nothing evil
It is not going against tide and will,
It is just a COLD cold heart
But the warmth within has not taken flight,
Yet it is a silent plight
Living in accordance, and in peace, that is totally all right.


Only a few days ago, there has been a wide good compliments
Then not so long ago, it turned into unfavorable comments,
The stories go from the peak, to rock bottom
Just so be it, things, people and words, just don't really conform.

So judgemental, so fickle-minded
Sneaked preview straight forward, then snugged behind,
It is not back stabbing, no doubt, no no
It is just utilizing the knowledge that is known,
It is not the truth, but somehow truth is been concealed
Whether by choice or not, sometimes a faith is been sealed.

There is probably too much of scrutiny
Too much of criticism, full of biasity,
Not a matter of narrow-mindedness
But by surrounding influences,
That is still judgemental
Overly sentimental.

One says "I come with an open mind"
But there might be a thought already lurking behind,
One says "It is only for the better"
But there is already a changed agenda,
One says "No matter what ..."
Somehow, something, somewhat, it already mattered.

Judgemental .. judgemental
Whether one will realize it or not,
The course of thoughts that changes
That brings about so much of surprises.

Judgemental .. judgemental
Whether one want to be or not,
Who really got the time, to listen to everyone

Sunday, March 29, 2009


Stand strong for what you believe in
Although it seems to peculiar,
Nobody really understands the meaning
So they come up with different interpretation,
It doesn't help to clarify your thoughts
THey didn't help at all.

When you are doing all the right thing
There will be persecutions,
They judge, the reprimand, they doubt
Even when the truth is out,
It is not what they are seeking to know
They only want to compare with their instinctive flow,
Even though it is wrong
IT is not what they know, it is what they want to know.

If your heart is broken, and your hope is disappointed
Even though it hurts, and you are torn apart,
Nobody will ever know, cos your emotions are always misleading
Just like you feel Destiny is playing a joke on you,
You are just a player in the stage of World
The bits and pieces that make you whole,
Unfortunately, you are the biggest piece of jigsaw puzzle
Nobody will have the patience to sit by you and solve,
Be alone then, you .. just you be yourself
You know yourself, and you do it so well.

Friday, March 27, 2009


It is another day
The obstacles are still coming the ways,
It is gonna be another mountain
Keep on climbing eventhough it is gonna pain,
It is gonna be another heart break
But I can't stop loving, for nobody's sake,
It is gonna be a uphill battle
My energy gonna be drained and I will wither,
But it is just me
I will just keep on going.......


Loneliness is a state of mind
I am not afraid, I want it sometimes,
The time that I shy away from the world
Loving myself all over again,
Withdrawn from everything and everyone
I lost some sense of emotions, lost in a momentary transition.

Loneliness, is a company which I do welcome
Just like Death is a matter which I will succumb,
There are things in life, which I will not deny
There are matters in life, which I do not defy,
It is an isolation from the entire world, in my own simplicity
Drown in remnants of emotions that I am still able to feel.

Loneliness, is the only time I am truly real
When I might not know everything I feel,
That I am in danger of suicidal thoughts
Feelings that I shouldn't and ought not,
How melancholic
Feeling a lil sick.

I wanna go home, drink my beer, and fall asleep in my bed
Hopefully, this loneliness will have disappeared, when I am awake.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

I Will...

I have to admit repeatedly
How imperfect I am, this human being,
I look at my own reflections
What is it that I am doing again....
In the stillness of the night
I forced out the sound of my sighs,
In the brightness of the morning sun
I kept my sadness, and hold my chin up,
In this struggle amongst mankind
I swallowed my pride, and yet I have to shine.

How strange and beguiling
Pain brings about a-smiling,
But the naked eyes see not the tears crying
The soul that has been cut, and hurting,
The mind that has been thinking, and wondering
Imperfections, so prone to doing the wrong things.

Cuts me like a knife
Hurting while being alive,
Loving from afar
Admiring a distant star,
Even knowing the feeling is so right
Gotta walk out of your sight,
Someone else comes along and sweep you off your feet
Sweet, or sweet, the pain that nothing can appease,
Oh well ... I will walk away
Least you will be having happier days,
Oh swell ... let me do my bits
Then I will take leave.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

No Worries

I have walked the bumpy path with you before
I have done all I could, and so much more;
I have stayed by your side
Never quitted on you, even rode against the tide.

Some truth hurts like a knife cutting
Some news is so soothing, like heaven knocking;
I have seen you at the lowest, and the ugliest
I have seen your wept, and cried the heartiest;
But it is all right, cos I am so honored with your trust
So I did everything I could, and I must.

I am so glad to know that you can stand firm on your feet
That you are finally rolling over your past defeats;
You have found your life, and hustling bustling busy
It must be crazy, but I know you are secretly happy;
I chuckle, I giggle, I am laughing, cos I am ecstatically glad
Life is turning out to be so good.

Sms-es getting lesser
Phone calls getting fewer;
As you are getting stronger
You are getting back into life, you are a fighter.

No worries.

It is time to say good byes.

Being Happy

Nothing is perfect, can't have everything
Dream on all you want, be ambitious, be a go-getter, anything,
Things don't come easy, it can be hard to live each day
Let's be happy, while you still can anyway,
Without a dime, in your pocket, you can still breathe the air is free
Without love in your life, you can still be happy, don't you agree,
Cos you can sit home, with your pet dog in your lap
Leave the world outside the door, you probably can do without the craps,
War is going on, the recession is everywhere
So what can you do, eventhough you do sincerely care,
The world will find its way to fix its problem
So be laid back, let them problem be.

Nobody is perfect, even if you try to be an angel
You can be everyone's friend, but you got your own flaws,
Can't please everyone, and sometimes including yourself
You got to give up someone, and something, you know it too well,
So don't go around mourning for a lost that never was
After all, that is life, you get some and you lost some,
Eventhough at times, you lose more than you gain
You feel less joy, and so much more pain,
Alas, that is life
Face it with a smile.

Being happy, doesn't mean your dream came true
Just through every hurdle, you came through,
So there is a stumbling block along the path
There is something that cause you to wrath,
Someone out there, just crushed your heart
Someone out there, you have to walk away, and part,
Something out there, you have to give up
You got to get up, and walk out,
With a tear in your heart, a broken spirit
You looked ahead, and then being happy,
Let's look beyond the imperfections
And accept all of life's wonderful creations,
That is being happy
Looking yonder the horizon, and realize today, there is no sunset, so let it be.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

People Say II

Sitting in my chair, I decided to keep quiet
So quiet, that I was oblivious and become insignifant,
To me, I am perfectly happy, and fine, without uttering a word
But to some people, it may seems that I am slipping to another world,
Another realm where I am drowning in my own sadness
Just because tonight, I chose to be silent.

People jump to their own conclusions
Just because once upon a time, I was immersed in my emotions,
That I have used to be so jovial and happy
And forever always so talkative - really?!
They might have forgotten that sometimes I just don't talk
That sometimes I don't go down the dance floor, and rock,
I might just choose to stand at the corner
And watch everyone else, and yet I am perfectly okay.

I don't think that I am that difficult to understand
As long as they don't make their own judgements,
I always asked people to give me room to grow
Don't be so quick to judge me, cos it is not always so true,
I am always learning, trying to be better, and stronger
I am not always so weak, like it was yester.

If they asked, I would have told that I am all right
I have had a long day, and now I am feeling rather tired,
Wanted to have some quality time away by myself
Do things which I have slacked,
Please don't be so quick to assume the worst of me
People say things that can be untrue really.

People say so many things
I have to clarify sometimes,
People assume so much
So far fetch,
People asked questions
Yet afterwards came with own speculations,
What is the point, asking
My explanation not satisfying,
People think they know me so well
Oooohhhh swellll ..... do tell,
People say
I will give up ... one fine day.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Finding Love

Nothing in our life is ever gonna prepare us for the conquest of love
No experience in life is ever gonna prepare us to understand its emotions
There is no true motivation books, there is not enough of analytical studies
There is no real journals, there is no affirmed definitions of love
Otherwise, finding love will be as easy as finding a job.

We come to love not by finding the meaning of the feeling
We come to love someone, not by find the perfect person
But we learn to understand the feelings
And we learn to see the imperfections perfectly.

Finding love ...
Would you know if you have found love ...
Would you know if love has found you instead.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Ignorance vs. Knowledge

Life is bitter
Experiences is bitter sweet
Sadness and joy, the condiments
Feelings, the statistic
Actions are the relevancy of knowledge
Silence is the sign of ignorance.

The moments lapsed between thinking and proceedings
Is perhaps the marker of my failures and my success.

Speeches are futile
Yet actions are questionable.

I don't know what is right and what is wrong, like fool with a hat of Dunce
I have to unlearn what I have been taught, like a retard
I absorp the lessons in life, like a kid, with a brain of sponge
Innocently, accepting the facts even if it hurts like shit
Willingly, discarding the old, even if it is proven reality.

I want to believe that there is new and profound benefits to be gained from the unique viewpoint of the others, without being distorted by my own judgement.

That in the vast grey area, when being explored to greater depths, there is knowledge to be gained, and thus, being ignorant to the established black and white components of life.

That in the process of being stupid, to be smart
To be ignorant, to gain valuable knowledge
To lose faith in the belief, to gain a foothold in virtuosity
To be hurt, only to find the speck of joy
That in all, only to see light that might only last a split second.

The knowledge of this cycle in life - painful
The ignorance to the oblivious - uneventful
What do I choose to do?
I couldn't choose ... I just go with the flow ...

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Eat 2 Live

There will be constant reminder to eat
From breakfast, until midnight supper
Eat is such a wonderful delight
If not a very fattening past time.

From harmless nibbles on sodium junk food
To craving for meals of greasy yummy deli
So tempting, so irresistible
So sinful, yet so delicious!

So much food to choose from
So much of choices, it is a food haven
Health is wealth
Food is prosperity
Double chin is health
Big tummy is excess wealth.

Live happy
Eat plenty
Get fat don't worry
Eat first, exercise later.

A lil chubby, a lil fleshy
Just never too skinny
Always still pretty, still attractive
Cos nice to hold, nice to hug.

Eat 2 Live
Live to be happy
Happy is attractive
Very bubbly.

Eat 2 Live
Let's eat .. Yipeeeee ....

p/s: No Durian please!

Emotional Treasures - Tootology of Lost Love

Rain in the morning
Moody in the noon
Full moon in the night;
Love is beckoning
Coming to an end so soon
Letting go without a fight.

Thunders roared deafening
Lightening across the sky
Storm is brewing near;
The chance is not favoring
No reasonings, no why
Yet it is all so clear.

Morning light
Sun rays beam
Moon lit nights;
What will delight?
What may seems?
Does love has its wrong and rights?

A bullet loaded
Pull the trigger
A game of russian roulette;
The heart is hurt
It is broken
In the name of love?

Autumn, winter, summer and fall
Or just rain and shine
Whatever is the seasons;
Without love, can one stand tall?
Without love, can one continue to smile?
Will one live with better reasons?

Circles in the sand
Ripples in the water
Pain in the heart;
Where do love stand?
Can love bind together?
Or Destined to fall apart?

My Sleep

I would like to live each day with love surrounds
With the one whom I love, and with friends around.

I would like to see a smile on their face
See them all, breeze through each day with much grace.

I would like to see the glow of warmth from their heart
And their joy in their soul, when we part.

I would like to wish them, who is alone, their love to come along
That they will surely find someone whom their heart belong.

I would like to see them coupling together, happy forever
Through thicks and thin, health and sickness, faithfully together.

I would like to see sadness erased from the soul
Only joy that follows.

I would like to see all to bed, so very appeased

Then I would like to lie down to sleep
Going into a slumber which is so wonderfully deep....
I wish, and if I wish hard enough
It will surely come through....
It will be the Sleep
Please don't wake me.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Thank U 2All My Friends

To all my friends,

I don't say "thank you" enough. I don't give you hug too often. I didn't send you any card. I didn't get you any gifts. I don't show that your presence makes a different in my life. I don't know if I have insulted you. I don't know if I have been the friend you wanted. I don't know if I can live up to your expectations. I don't know if I may have failed you. I don't know if I would have made you proud.
But everyone of you "friend" came into my life, I have acknowledged.
Your inspiration, I remembered. Your aspiration, I cherished.

So often, I sit back in my own solitude
Feeling sad, and then feeling glad for my destitute,
I am kinda caught in a strange dilemma
Cause amid all the mishaps, I am laughing myself to the bank!

Often, I don't know what I have done wrong
Except, this bloody world, I definitely don't belong,
I also not sure what I have done right neither
With twists and turns, life is definitely much stranger than ever.

I adore you all to bits and pieces
Thank you for filling my life with so much of wonder and beauty,
How will I have the heart to leave you all behind
Thus, I take your memories which are woven in my heart, till the end of my journey.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Gud Morn'g - Rottweiller

Gooood MORNING .....

I wound down the window at the toll, and said "Good morning"to the guy
Instantly, he beamed a smile, and that is a "Service with a smile"
Along the trial, so many people, and so many "Good morning" to wish
I just realized, that in this single morning, I have wished more than the entire 5 days!

Somewhere out there, I lost my track, and I felt so lost
Worst, I am holding my bladder, for the passed 1 hour!
Oh no .... every turn and twist seems the same .. like I am running in circles
Okay, I am officially getting scared
Then I heard running water .. river!
Yes, I found the river, and also found a groupy with their dogs!

The pack of dogs came running towards me, I thought I am under attack
Oh no, they are so playful ... stop stepping on my shoes ... dun lick me ... dun get me all dirty!
I said "Good morning", and asked one of them, for the best direction out
While, I went my way, his dog Rotweiller followed me
Playful Rott, with a blue collar, slick dark coat of fur, so friendly
I thought, enuff is enuff, Rott, go back to your pack and owner
Yes, I spoke to that Rott, though I am not Dr. Doolittle.

It felt good that I have got a company-Rott
I never thought it would be so safe to have a pet dog
It went all the way with me, until I found my way out
I sat down to rest, and it snugged up to me-so friendly!
This Rott is my savior!

It refused to return to its pack, and owner
I think it is lost
In return for its good company throughtout, I escorted it back
Half way, met up with its owner.

The Rott's name is BaiZer (I think it is how it spelt, but it is how it sounds)

I hope I will see it again, but not in my lost situation.

It had me at Gud Morn'g, Gud way to start anyday!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Nothing is Wasted

Much time which I spent at the mamak stall
Sipping teh tarik, and eating capati with sardines gravy
I should have been home, lazing and resting
Instead, I sat there, cracking my head, thinking
Cos you are my dear friends
I will not let you alone, when you are in dire needs.

Sometimes it is so dawning
Sometimes it is just plain tiring
Sometimes it is very interesting
But it is really a strange kind of blesings
Cos you are my dear friends
I will cross the ocean ends for you.

I thought of my comfy bed
Snuggled under the blanket
It has passed my bed time
And my weary smile, did you notice
I can endure it another second
Cos you are my dear friends.

Then one day, you put your arms on my shoulders
You offer me, food on your table
You offer me, your hands to pull me out from the pit
You offer me, your trusted friendship;
Then one day, you sat next to me, sharing my tears
You gave up your time, to listen
You gave up your sleep, to stay by my side
You gave me assurance, of the most steadfast friendship.

No time is wasted
Nothing is wasted.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

2-Sided Coin

It is taking my own self video clip
Put it on "Play"
Turn up the volume
Increase the screen
Then watch, listen and LEARN!

These are the things I did
A. ....
B. ....
C. ....
D. ....
It is meant to give you assurance

These are same things I did, in your eyes
A. ....
B. ....
C. ....
D. ....
It actually made you feel bad about yourself.

Being nice and understanding, doesn't make me right
Being right in my own thinking, doesn't mean I am bright
Being intelligent, doesn't mean I know best
Knowing the best, doesn't mean I know the rest.

Yes, I got a hard knock on my head
I need a brain clog to stop me from thinking straight
Stop me from thinking, obsessively
I don't need to think, I just need to listen attentively
Not jump to my own bloody emotional conclusions
And cos even more mess than the earlier confusions.

Arrrrh ... I should have just strangle myself
Wrung my neck, someone please do it, and make my veins swell
So that when my eyes can finally pop out of its socket
And while struggling, gasping for air, the 2-sided coin will fall out of my pocket
That I will see the other side which has been turned
Just hope it aint too late, that my senses will return!

Sunday, March 1, 2009


Dead people get more attention
They are remembered annually
They are talked about every now and then
It is happy yappy, and not even gossiping
Reminising the good and bad times
Yet without any ill thoughts, all bygone
You continue to mourn for their absence
Continue to feel their presence, eeriely
As you wished that they are still here
Although not to haunt you.

Dead people are really successful people
They still get royalties passed on for generations
Their possession cost more than ever
They become collectible items, in glass chambers
Their books are classic to read
Their movies are the best ever made
Their intelligence documented repeatedly.

It is blessings, morbid as it sounds
People only start living, once they escaped harrowing deaths
People start appreciative, once they thought death passed them by
Dark crude humor is betcha y'll laughing.

Death .... is a sweet toast to life.