To LOVE or Not to LOVE

The word LOVE never ceased to fall upon my ears
As it never cease to lay my shoulders for the falling tears
The hands that clasped together, in gripping fear
Praying so tenaciously, but it is reality, that will not adhere
The joy subsides, clouded by misconstrue
The faith suffers a blow, and it cracks open
The goodness flows out, while the worse is allowed in
The righteousness is devour, slowly within.

I couldn't understand LOVE, as much I couldn't apprehend the pain
Whilst as I sit in the park, and look around, I see the joy, but restrained
I don't understand why the laughters will slowly fade away
And the crying, sobbings and weepings become so loud and deafening
It is sad when the happiness which all rants in the beginning is missing
Wrinkles, frowns, scowls and even scorn, turns into hideous hissing
The kissing and hugging, of loving gestures, and words been exchanged
Now became the very strength that left them distant and estranged
Anger, resentment, and revenge, of hearts that turned into evils
The kind soul, the sweetest person ever, turned against their own wills.

The poets write romantically about it, yet at times shun the aftermath
The philosophers justify it, yet leave so much room to improve
The lovers swear by it, yet suffers silently in the tiny corner
The astronomy calculates it, yet could never pinpoint a finger
The gods preaches it, yet not promising anything
Everyone wants it, yearns for it, will probably never find the real meaning

To LOVE, or not to LOVE; The mediocre question
To LOVE, or not to LOVE; The universal expressions.

What Can We DO?

We always want to give the best to the one closest to us
To the spouses
To the lovers
To the closest friends
It is ever so noble to be so sacrificial
Until the sleepless nights come
The stressful days arrive
The walls are closing in
The moments of melt down nigh
We collapse in our own quests.

We want to be the strong one, mighty and responsible us
Providing a shelter over the heads
Providing food at the table
Providing financial to make ends meet
It is not important what is beneficial
Until our health crumble, and go into slump
Until there is no more strength to strive
All there is, is the thoughts of complaints
Of all things that don't seem right
We fail in our own tests.

We give everything up for others
And keep nothing for our own sake
We find our joy in their happiness
And deprive ourselves of truth
We portray to the world, close perfection
And covering the voids, with brutal silence
The voids getting so humongous, it is unbearable
The lies become so out of proportion, it became reality
The world become larger than life, it became an universe
We are on the trial of a suicidal watch.

What can we do, if we fall and wither?
What can we do, to cover up others' mistakes?
What can we do, if we can't erase the sadness?
What can we do, if the world is unjust and cruel?
What can we do, with so much of our emotions?
What can we do, if we decide to throw ourselves off balance?
What can we do, to be fully accountable?
What can we do, to overcome all life's brutality?
What can we do, if we cast upon ourselves, the curse?
What can we do for others, if we don't want to do for ourselves first?

Prayers 4U

My dear friends, near or far
You are the light of each bright star
My world is the universe
You have earned the place with your trust
My prayers are always for you
Pick it upon the skies, whenever you need to

My prayers.................
Unto those who are weak, given strength
Unto those who are harsh, have no evil intent
Unto those who are sick, given health back
Unto those who are lost, shown the right track
Unto those who are burdened, lift the heaviness
Unto those who are sad, find the path to happiness

The Blessing Jar

As each day passed, I put a lil bit of everything into the jar
With a smile, a grin, a heartfelt gratitude, sealed it and leave it on the shelf
Sometimes I picked it up, and guess its weight
Sometimes I shake it up a lil bit, and curious if it is full already
As time goes, I don't remember what I have kept inside;
One day, I open the lid slightly ajar
I put my hand inside, and I pick up a card
See the words that are scribbled on it
And an overwhelming of sense envelope me
Tears of happiness that I cannot hide.

Name after name, endless
Each name means something
The deeds that they have done
The friends they have become
The blessings that have given;
I slowly count my blessings and it is truly countless
I must say "Thank you so much you are my friend"
Without you all, I won't become the ONE
Without you all, there is no finding FUN
Without you all, I would have no blessings received.

The Blessing Jar
Where your names are .......

Finally it RAINS

It has been a long wait; Every step to the door, it aches
There is an involuntary hibernation; Drapes are drawn, shut down the vision
Depression is strong, claustrophobic kicks in; Laying down, doing nothing, but remembering
Breathing, but don't seem to be alive; In the next second, it feels like dying
No words can describe the feeling; No reasons can ever go explaining
There is no logic, no rationality; It is just a hard harsh reality.

It has been a long wait; The clouds are gathering
The wind is woooing; The trees dancing to its rhythm
The chill is seeping through the cracks; Stumbling, retreating back
The sound of tipping tapping on the glass; Someone is calling "Who is it?", so asked
The trickling of tears running down the pane; The sound of thunderstorm empowering the pain
Thank you Heaven for listening; Finally it RAINS ............

Row Row Row the Boat

Round the table, we talked of our lives
We disclose our heartaches
And watch with dismay of things we can't change;
Over time, we have laugh and cried
We wrote painfully over the pages
And look around ourselves, we are the same.

So, we realized that we are in the same boat
Stranded in the middle of nowhere, struggling
Share the same remorse, steered into the same course;
So, we sing in harmony, as we row row row our boat
Against the tide, in the torrent hail, keep on rowing
We sing merrily, until we reach the shore.

Every heart beat, every splash of the oar hitting the water
Every strength within, every breathe of air we gasped
Every energy remains, every bit of life left inside;
Row row row the boat, we will surely do it together
The land is far, but we will surely get there
Row row row the boat, the land is bound to be insight.

Just a SCAR

How it hurt so much, when it was the first cut
It couldn't stop bleeding, as life seems ending
How the eyes close, become a silver screen
Of flickering memories, flash backs screams
Nightmares that comes in broad daylight.

How many times, how often tried
Day is night, and night is shining daylight
Reminiscing thoughts have no end
How so very tense and dense
When the dreams are gone, left is just a SCAR.

Every step, every turn, every corner, there is a SCAR
So many scars, won't recognize them individually anymore
Won't be able to identify their reasonings
Won't be able to apprehend their becoming
Best is when won't be reminded of anything.

Just a SCAR
Once it was pierced and cut
Just a SCAR
Once it bleed and now dried out
Just a SCAR
When the wound healed, and the heart shut
Just a SCAR .... just a SCAR.....

More Than Once

When tragedy strikes, the similarities are so uncanny
When we are grief striken, we swear it will be the last time
But we did it again, repeatedly
There is just no saying, when it will never be.

Every tear drop is the same
Every heart ache, burnt from the flame
The scars are there, blemishing the fair skinned
The wound are there, though can't be seen.

We have talked the walk, and walked the talk
We have been at it almost round the clock
We have played by the book, broken a few rules
And still paying hefty fines for our doings.

Said we will be wiser, once we learnt the lessons
Thought we will be better, once we learnt the liaisons
Then how is it that we failed to see the troubles we get into
And ended up doing the same thing, we said we will never do.

No self reflections, no time to sit around and mourn for the loss
No looking back, and charged forward in great force
It probably will take more than once, to understand the befallen
It seems to be walking in a maze, until comes the amaze-ment.

Often you thought you have learnt it all, but you haven't at all
Often you must have known it all, but be prepared for what is in store
We have to learn in many ways, in order to understand just one universe
They all look the same, don't they?

A Smile

A smile can bring a tear into the eye
Take the pain away, none to hide
The tears still will disappear;
A smile can bring memory so dear
Reminds of all far and near
Even wash away all the fear.

A smile brings to live the compassion
Let loose of anxieties and anticipation
The notion that heals the transgression;
A smile is ready, if needed
Please smile a smile for anyone out there
For a smile is so warm and free.

Happiness

If you love the most, you hurt the most
If you give the most, you lose the most
If you wish the most, your heart will know
When the pain is gone, your happiness is close.

When you see the love that you lost, you once saw pain
When you see what you gave, you thought nothing to gain
When you see the wishes empty, your thoughts went astray
Then you feel the pain is gone, you will find happiness at bay.

Look your best love in the eye, the smile that so vibrant
Look at the gift you sacrificed, the rewards returned in abundance
Look at the best wish been granted, the brand new love so radiant
Look ... you finally found Happiness that stemmed from grievance.

Grief is the seed that sown by pain of greatest aching
Nurtured by tears, the seasons of all ailings
Fertiled by experiences, groomed by time passings
HAPPINESS is the fruitful reapings of true passing.

Long Distance

Everyone shudders at the thought of Long Distance
From Long Distance running to Long Distance travelling
Long Distance @ LD emits doubt and hesitation
No matter how strong a will, somehow breaks down
Thus, cripples all the Long Distance Affairs
Deferred before they are given the chance, aint fair!

LD is tough, cos the ocean in between is rough ?
LD is not the cuppa tea, cos someone prefers coffee?
LD wont work, cos nobody wants to start to begin with!
Nothing positive ever comes out from a talk of Long Distance
Whatever goodness that is to be found, it is called for disputes.

Comments about Long Distance is absolutely Discouraging
Pouring cold water on love and romance, is so Disheartening
Chasing away lovers, cos of the geographical location
Putting a lid over the most beautiful passionate notions.

Why can't anyone see the beauty of Long Distance
The ever presence of independance
The opportunist which gives room to grow
The time that allows the seed to be sown
The freedom to enjoy the life that has been build
To be part of each other's life, to have each other's dream fulfilled.

Don't put Long Distance in such a recluse
It will always work, don't ask for proof
For there are greater statistic of failed relationship of Near Distance
Yet nobody has hesitation to fall in love again and again, and AGAIN!

So what is the difference?

Delusions

The air is still, a little weak in the will
Work is in the mind, worries is not a good sign
Restlessness, but feeling care-less
Watching DVD, nothing else is on TV
The body is so rested, let's feel blest.

Breakfast, the same food is served
Lunch, too much
Coffee and tea, snacks and titbits
Some hassles with arrangement, some disarrayment
Changing of plans, a lot is at hand
Worry not, tomorrow will still come
Leave it for tomorrow then, let's now feel the bliss.

Say "Hi", and say "Bye"
Say "I will see you again, and will go eat creme brulee"
It is a long nite drive, might not get home alive
Accidents happen, like shits it is unexpected
Wound down the window, feel the breeze on the highway road
Pump up the radio, let it be the friend on the go
The speed feels good, like tornado hitting the road.

Sometimes alone, sometimes in a crowded room
Sometimes so quiet, sometimes caught in a riot
Sometimes it is peaceful, sometimes stressful
Sometimes lonely, sometimes happy
By the end of the day, just kick back and feel glad.

The spectrum of colors that decors the course
Kaleidoscopic blessings, is not an illusion been imagined
Everyday is real, they are real, they are not delusions.

Fragments of Memories

The time when memories hurt, you wished they never reminded you
The time when memories please, you wished they are always fresh and new.

All the emotions, pain or happy, mould the virtues of you today
As they accompanied throughout the journey, all the way;
Faithfully, eventhough they are hidden in a corner of the mind
Slowly, you thought they are gone, while time flies;
But they never left, as you thought they have
You thought you have buried them in the deepest grave;
Although time has heal, what hurts
And time reveals, what was happiness at first;
You cleaned the closet, and throw out the emotions
You locked the chest, and keep all those manifestations;
But somehow, unaware, these memories are been revisited
You take a walk to the past, gripped with guilt;
Or you smile, so wry, as you struggled to remember as much as you can
Cause these are the fragment of memories which make you, who you are.

The time when memories hurt, don't wish it away, just wish you learn
The time when memories please, don't wish it to stay, just wish to yearn.

Hope that every bit of these fragment of memories will give you the best
Grow, and take every single step, write another memory, until it is time to end;
Fragments of memories, the pages of your dictated life
Fragments of memories, will always see you as the growing child.

The Fragments of memories ....
The fictions, the creations ... the stories
Memories that never healed, never lapsed, never erased, never destroyed
Memories that evolved, story after story, journey after journey.

The magnitude of the memories
Is how much you will cherish before you perish.

Unfinished Callings

Some time ago, the soulful traveller packed the bags, and go
Leaving behind the heart, and say "take care of it, like precious gold"
Though the soul has been dampen, the spirit has been broken
But the path must be taken, when the Calling called, and must be continued.

From time to time, there are notes and postcards
There are those constant, out of the blue phone calls
Voice still as sweet, but with traces of blues
There are tales of happiness, but also left some clues.

The journey to the uncharted land, to explore the possibilities
Have truly tainted the heart with uncertainties, and heavy responsibilities
Can hear it in the voice, and can hear it in the cries
But the traveller can't pack bags again, and walk the trial behind.

The traveller is fast, but still been caught at the track
Is it Unfinished or it is a new beginning, a fresh start?
The past is not yet past, but just tucked in a corner
The pages can be refreshed, and the story has not been altered.

Is it Unfinished Calling, a continuation from the past?
For the story has remained the same, perhaps something is meant to last
Somehow, nothing is ever as smooth as it should
Mountains to scale, rivers to tread, emotions to smooth
It has been a long wait, but positive that nothing is ever to late
The opportunity has come back again, to the deserving one.

Is Unfinished Calling, a strange twist of fate of work in progress?
It is everyone's guess....
As the story of the Unfinished Calling continues
Keep the fingers cross, and hope for all that is good.

Saving Grace

Awakening each day, gripped by uncertainties of what is ahead
The uncertainties that puts anxieties into every decisions to be made,
No matter how big or small the matter, the future presence is bleak
Though it may seems secured, but a tiny crack, will cause it to break within,
No matter how careful, or how careless, a decision may still lead to disaster
For the expectation is far mightier than what the results may present later.

Did we kill ourselves slowly, surely, eventually, with our own fear
Did we throw aside, everything so simple and precious, so wonderful and so dear,
Just because yesterday, we slept with a heavy burden upon our chest
We have questions swimming in our head, and we wouldn't rest,
When we wake in the morning, our heart is pounding so hard
We are feeling to restless, we don't even know where to start,
For we fear that our expectations are going to fall short
The future will eventually be distorted, regardless of all efforts.

We stopped in our steps, we sit back, gripped our soul
We stopped the car, we slumped back, where to go,
We racked our mind, to find the solutions, of what to do
We searched our heart, to find the peace, before the body turn cold,
Before, we take a big leap of faith, and give in all to fate
Before, we leave behind, every dream that has been created.

Hope that it is never too late, to take a breather, and look around us
To see everything and everyone else who walk amongst,
The more cruder awakenings each day, that plague everyone else
But we see not, nor understand, how they could go about in disguise,
Perhaps it is a choice, a terribly hard decision to be made
Maybe bitter sweet surrender, or simply relieved to sleep in a bed,
To have a tiny bite of the bread crust and a trickling of water
To have that last penny saved in the pocket, for later.

One has not yet die, and will always have one saving grace
There will be many crossroads to wade,
Many consequences to be accountable for
Every step of the way, there will be more and more,
Crude and cruel, cold and shameful
Bold and vibrant, dull and wonderful,
However, the eyes see, the heart perceive
The soul and the spirit will receive....

The saving grace
Which will lead away from the cold tombed grave,
The saving grace
A slow and steady, painful race.

Wake up in the morning, gripped by fear still
Mustered up the courage, strengthen the will,
The future is not as bad as been imagined
The presumptions are just horrible culprits,
But they will never leave
These thieves,
But don't let them rob the saving grace
Hold onto it, in tight embrace.

Hiding

I saw you sitting in the corner with your friends
I can see the smiles, but not happiness that I sense
You are hiding with the masks of many faces
You are holding back, the truth, so dearly you embrace
But you can't erase, the truth of yourself
The one whom I thought I let you go, and let you dwell
But never would I thought, this is how it will go down
The hurt clings, my heart in pain
The past now drives me insane
Why have I let you go then
Only to let you run into hiding.

I know there must be reasons, that are justifying
For all your actions, your risk is been calculated
I continue to sit in my little corner, watching
Then he came along, and give you a kiss on your cheeks
From far, i tried to catch the glimpse of sparkle in your eyes
There is none, why, the smiles that greet, dry and wry
I am still asking, after all this time
Why, have I listened and didn't fight
Why, have I just let you go then
Only to let you run into hiding.

The truth of the past has always hurt me
But the lies of today, is greater than it will ever be
The happiness that we once share, is so pure
But the lines of smiles I witnessed today, is so obscure.

5 Minutes From Now

I know I have 5 more years to give
But is it for real?
What if it is really 5 months?!
I don't think it is enough
Worse if it is actually 5 weeks!
Truly too short indeed
Could it be 5 days!
No way!
But ... what if it is really just 5 minutes from now ...
How?

Everyday, I tried to recollect the memories
Every night, I tried to put everyone's name in the prayer list.

I will not be able to travel the world in a minute
Perhaps, my soul can, and so can be my spirit.

In so little words, I couldn't say much
But till the very ending moment, I hope many hearts I have touched.

What if my predictions have been wrong?
It is not 5 years, and it won't be prolonged
5 minutes from now
Every remaining heart beat counts
I could never know if I am right or if I am wrong
But the 5 minutes will come along
When time is no longer in my grips
I will slip into a deep sleep.